Take off clothing and place it carefully in laundry hamper according to 'lights' and 'darks'. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit and mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until totally red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your knob at her making a 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your knob and then scratch your arse. Get in the shower. Wash your face then wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off. Fart loudly and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing knob and bollocks. Wash your arse whilst leaving plenty of pubes stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo 'Mohawk'. Have a pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because the shower curtain was hanging out of cubicle the whole time. Admire your knob size in mirror again. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass the wife, pull off towel, shake your knob at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. The End.