2. Did that? Lower them even more.
3. Your house will never look like a magazine spread, END OF! Embrace that.
4. No matter how many baskets you buy to contain toys, they will always be visible. Embrace the Toys ‘R Us/ student house look!
5. You can never have too many Ice-pops in the freezer. How many bad moods have been fixed by a simple Ice-pop?
6. If you can’t change them, change your perspective. For example I read recently – probably on Satan’s website Pinterest – that toothpaste is great for cleaning things like taps. So now when I go into the bathroom every day and see toothpaste splatter all over the bathroom tap I think about how my children have done half the chore of cleaning for me. How considerate of them!
7. Those chores that no one ever wants to do. Decide if you would rather do it yourself, badger your child to it, or let it go. If you are confused about what to do, see Number 1 on this list.
8. No one cares what is stuffed under your child’s bed, why should you. Unless it is old food. In that case, you should get a dog.
9. If you have boys, your bathroom will always faintly stink like pee. Invest in some Febreeze and count down the days until they move out and you can go visit them and pee on their bathroom floor.
10. Don’t buy white furniture. Unless you enjoy screaming at your children every time they go near it.
11. However bad a situation might seem, one day it will be funny. I have a few for which I am eagerly awaiting for the funny to kick in. Any time now….
12. When your child is a young teen there will be nothing more embarrassing than your very existence. Use this to your advantage. Start planning early.
13. Do not paint any walls in your house with flat paint.
14. Be okay with letting your kids stumble sometimes. Whether that is handing in their homework late because they didn’t do it or wearing an outfit so hideous you have trouble looking at them without laughing.
15. Noise cancelling headphones are great for blocking out whining, bickering and the endless episodes of Peppa pig.
16. Socks do not have to match. Every day is Crazy Sock Day at my house.
17. The crayons will break and it is okay to throw them away rather then save them to make some sort of craft that involves the hair dryer. In fact, I give you permission to not feel guilty about all the crafts you know you will never do.
18. Your children will not die from eating the occasional Mcd's or frozen pizza. And by occasional I mean more than you are really willing to admit.
19. If your children are driving you crazy arguing with each other, start an argument with them. Then your children will bond over their mutual hatred of you and be quiet.
20. Children do not appreciate throws or scatter cushions. Buy neither.
21. Homework time is the worst time of the day. Help your kids and yourself by having a designated time and a quiet place to do homework. Preferably in a neighbour’s home.
22. Just say No to ironing.
23. Last, but not least, some chocolate and some really bad TV makes everything seem a little better.
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